Men's Authenticity

As Salaam Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wa Barakatu As men, we play many different characters throughout the day. As a father, as a son, as a brother, as a husband, as a coworker, or an employer, or a business owner, perhaps as an imam, or a teacher, or a mentor, as a friend, as an enemy, and as someone you don't wanna bother when we're walking down the street at night. And for each of these roles, there are multiple duties, functions, requirements, skills, talents, even personalities that have to be convincingly portrayed. And as Muslims, we have to be cognizant of fulfilling these roles in a way that conforms to and affirms our religion. There's a lot to talk about on this subject, like about how men excel in compartmentalization, about being sensitive to the needs and expectations of others, and about having the forethought to anticipate the ramifications and the consequences for how we do or do not play out these roles.

We have to assess risks and dangers, set priorities, and responsibly allocate adequate time to each part we have to play. My topic today is when we have to be so many things to so many people, behave differently in so many different situations, how do we remain authentic? We're playing a part so much of the time. So how can we avoid being fake? For this, I think it's useful to think about how in Islam we are taught to segregate our private life from our public life.

You know, in psychology there is this concept that the healthy person is one with a unified personality. That means they are the same publicly as they are privately. That is not what we believe. We believe that you should show society only what is best in you and conceal your sins as much as possible. We do not believe, for instance, that publicly condemning a sin that you have yourself committed is in any way whatsoever hypocritical.

Committing a sin is not the same as condoning it. And even if you do wrong privately, you must uphold publicly what's right because it is right and because you know it's right and because society does not improve or benefit from normalizing sins. So to some extent, public righteousness is an act, and it's a good deed in and of itself. We all know or should know that the Muslim public figures that we all admire for their apparent piety aren't as good as we think they are, just as we are not as good as the people who know us think we are. But we try, and we stand for what is right as much as we can to affirm that it is right in society.

And privately, we hope to more fully align our hearts and our actions with that. The idea of having a unified personality, quite frankly, has been disastrous for the West. It has destroyed adab, akhlaq, self restraint, and shame, and unleashed onto society all the worst characteristics of its individual members. So this principle of the multivariate personality can help with the question of authenticity. So So who are you?

You're the person who plays all the roles, and all the roles are you. And any qualities or characteristics you possess outside of any given role are appropriately subdued. No one in your life will ever or should ever see every side of you. They should only see from you what you are to them. That maintains order, and it is your responsibility as a man.

Only Allah sees every side. And living in this way actually will bring you closer to him because you will realize that only Allah can understand. So you're being authentic, not by revealing every side of yourself to everyone, but by doing your duty, fulfilling your role towards each person in your life with a sincere desire to do it well, and by hiding whatever may interfere with that. And when you need to be understood, you turn to Allah.