Avoiding Oppression in Gheerah

A couple of brothers have asked in the comment section about how to exercise with a wife without being overbearing. They mentioned that they didn't want a wife, for instance, to mix unnecessarily with men. They want her to wear loose clothing, to wear hijab, and so on. And they preferred for her to not work outside the home if possible and to stay at home and raise the children after they have children. And they expressed basically two fears in this regard.

First, that they will not be able to find a wife who accepts these kinds of rules, and second, that insisting upon these kinds of rules might make them oppressive. These fears are driven by the propaganda that they're being inundated with online from the two ends of the spectrum. On one side, you have the Tomasiin, the red pillars, and on the other side, you have the liberal feminist Muslims. Both sides are telling them that there are no more normal practicing religious virtuous Muslim women looking for normal practicing religious Muslim men. One of the reasons I made this channel was to dis dispel those types of fears and doubts and the discord that's being created by Shaytan between Muslim men and women because it's not the reality.

You can see from the comment section in my videos, really. Married Muslim men, married Muslim women, completely debunking the propaganda from both sides through their own life experience, and I'm one of them. You can also see unmarried sisters talking about what they actually do value in a potential husband. His iman, his knowledge, his character, his decency, his qawama. And honestly, I'm sure that you can see around you in your own community that these ideologies ends are disconnected from reality.

I've said it a few times here before. Get involved with the masjid. Be present. Be active in the Muslim community. Distinguish yourself as a righteous brother, and there's no doubt that you will find a like minded virtuous sister who's looking for a man like you.

A sister who will not view your as oppressive, but as something welcome and valued. Now with regards to itself, I sort of view it as similar to judicial discretion in the sharia. And so far as it has to be consistent with Islamic rulings and requirements, but it can include restrictions, that are not explicitly stipulated religion as long as they conform with Islamic principles and values and seek to achieve Islamic objectives. Because ghira is generally going to be applied to matters that are mubah, matters that don't have a ruling. So a husband has to regulate them in accordance with a kind of individualized maslaha, whatever he deems in the best interest of his wife, his relationship, and his family.

So you have to ensure that whatever your sense of gira is causing you to require of your wife, you have to ensure that it is actually consistent with the sharia and genuinely intended to serve for her, for you, for your family. That's how you can ensure that it's not oppressive. Remember, you will not be questioned about her obedience or disobedience. You will only be questioned about whether or not you were fair towards her in your exercise of qawama and jira. As for issues like how she dresses, her social interactions, wearing the hijab, whether she should work or not, all of these are things that you should discuss between the two of you before marriage to avoid any conflicts down the road.

So I hope that helps.