Rujoola is not performance

Assalamu alaikum everyone. Rujula in Islam, the concept of manhood or masculinity is vastly different from the superficial macho traits conceived of as masculine by the modern West, though perhaps not so divergent from the concepts of older generations before Hollywood, before feminism, before the backlash against feminism. Back in the days when there was a real world sphere for men and a sphere for women, back in the days before the normalization of sex outside of marriage, which drastically changed the way men define themselves because it radically inflated the importance and significance of female attraction as an element in the ideal of masculinity. And female attraction is largely based on superficial signals that can be faked. In Islam is not performative.

It may not necessarily even be obvious. It can even contradict with commonly held perceptions of masculinity or traits associated with so called alpha males. For example, the prominent Sahabi, Abu Dhar al Ghafari. He was a man without fear, without reluctance. He never sought anyone's favor and never hesitated to speak his mind regardless of the consequences and regardless of to whom he was speaking, if it was the caliphate.

He called it like he saw it. I mean, this is a man who embraced Islam. He was one of the first 10 to embrace Islam, and he embraced Islam at a time when no one was announcing their conversion in Makkah. When Abu Zarr embraced Islam, he went directly to the Kaaba and announced his conversion to everyone. He was savagely beaten, but he came back the next day and made the announcement again.

And again, he was savagely beaten. He did it three days in a row until Rasulullah had to tell him that it would be better for him and safer if he went back to his tribe and taught them Islam. He did that. They all embraced the religion. Abu Dhar was an absolutely fearless truth teller.

He never held his tongue but asserted himself strongly in all situations. Okay. Alpha male. Right? What was his weakness?

His weakness was that he did not exercise discretion about when it was appropriate or inappropriate to assert himself and to be so blunt. While Abu Dharr was an ascetic and simple man, he lacked the self control and self restraint, the calm, the composure, the judiciousness that are essential elements of and that made him weak in the eyes of the prophet Although the prophet praised Abu Dar for his truthfulness and his piety, he did not attribute the quality of strength to him. By all outward appearances, Abu Dar exhibited all the manly qualities of assertiveness and courage, but there were flaws in his management of those qualities. So is more internal than external. It's not a garment you wear for others to see.

It's not about signaling. A man may be the quietest, most unassuming, and apparently passive person in a room, and yet he's also perhaps the strongest, the most resilient, the most unmovable, and the bravest. You won't know until it's called for. The most dynamic qualities of only manifest in the most drastic and dire situations. The rest of the time, they operate more or less in the background, creating and maintaining the stability and comfort of those under a man's responsibility and care with little or no recognition.

You only become acutely aware of the qualities that this man is bringing to your life in his absence. So don't overemphasize the outward manifestations of manhood, but focus on cultivating the inner qualities of selfless strength, certitude, a commitment to usefulness, and discernment. Know when it is appropriate to assert yourself and when it isn't. Have the ability to be dominant, but don't feel the need to dominate in every situation. Men who do that, regardless of what they may think and despite what the alpha maleists tell them, men who do that just appear weak and insecure to everyone around them.