When to Discuss and When to Support without Discussion

I wanted to talk a little bit more about this issue of discussing matters with your wife, having disagreements with your wife about a decision that you're making as a husband, as a father, as a wam. First of all, women, sisters, you need to understand that the time for discussion is before a decision has been made. Not just because of obedience and all of these things, but because, practically speaking, that's the only time when you can affect his decision. Because for most men, if we're faced with a problem and we reach a decision about how to handle that problem, we're relieved and we don't wanna think about it and we don't wanna talk about it. And any talk after we've made a decision is superfluous.

It's a waste of time and it just prolongs the stress about that issue. Discussion is generally not going to change our decision. When I have had to make a decision about something regarding my family or something that affects my family. Sometimes it's something urgent. Sometimes it's something that's very complicated, very complex, and it may involve matters about which my wife is unaware or is not intimately knowledgeable.

And this is another thing, sisters, try to understand. Sometimes your husband isn't just being indifferent to you. He's not just ignoring your opinion. He just would like the relief of not having to explain everything every time, particularly if a decision has already been made. So I would take the approach of, look.

I have analyzed the problem. I know what needs to be done. I know what I have to do. I know what has to happen next, And I would appreciate it if you don't require me to explain all of it to you why I believe this decision is correct. There's a lot of factors to consider.

There's a lot of moving parts, and I've decided that this is the way forward. If I am ultimately wrong and things go sideways, who is the one who's gonna have to deal with that? Who's the one who's gonna have to fix that? It's me. So I would appreciate if you can accept my decision without explanation knowing that I have done my best to foresee all possible ramifications, all possible outcomes, and to prepare for those.

So if you can just support me in that decision without requiring an explanation down the line after everything, no problem. I'll explain why I did what I did. But for the time being, just know that I am trying to make the best choice for our family and support me in that. You don't have to be tyrannical. You don't have to be dictatorial.

You don't have to be rough or harsh or domineering. Understand she is affected by your decision, so she has a right to have some input. She has a right to have her voice heard and her concerns listened to. But let her know that you have already considered what impact your decision may have on her, and you have tried to weigh all possible outcomes and have decided that this approach is the best approach. This solution is the best solution.

And again, if it ultimately goes sideways, you're the one who's gonna have to deal with that anyway. So you can be the imam of your family. You can be the final word on all matters and all issues and also be compassionate and understanding. And when you take that sort of an approach, it builds the trust in your wife and she can also feel that she is being beneficial to you by supporting you, not that she's being oppressed by being forced to submit to whatever your decision is, But she's empowered by her support of you knowing that she trusts that you're doing the best you can.