True Submission vs. Helplessness

There are very few explicitly stated rights for husbands in Islam. For example, the wife shouldn't leave the house without his permission, she shouldn't let anyone into the house without his permission, she should not reveal the details of the intimacy to anyone, and she should respond to him when he wants to be intimate with her. That's about it. As for her obligation to obey him, well, it is appropriate and it's in her best interest, but there is no stipulated punishment for disobedience by a wife in Islam per se. What there is is reward for obedience, and it's tremendous.

But punishment is only really with regards to major transgressions, presumably of such a magnitude that they violate Islamic rulings and morality. Aside from that, the only punishment that a husband can really impose upon a disobedient wife is talaq. Of course, every man wants to have a wife who obeys him and submits to his authority and appreciates his qawama over her and understands that it is in her interests to cooperate with him. But women who genuinely submit to their husbands do so seeking the pleasure of Allah As Allah mentioned, they are khani taat. They are righteous and devout women.

They don't submit to their husbands out of fear or intimidation or because of his forcefulness or because they're afraid of jeopardizing their financial security and stability. I think this is important for men to understand because I think a lot of men believe that they have to keep their wives in a state of helplessness and dependence, that she has to be in a constant state of mental and psychological insecurity in order to make her submissive. So they prefer for their wives not to pursue education, not to pursue a halal profession because they want them to be helpless and subject, and they think that's the only way that a woman can be submissive to them. They don't want her to be equipped to live independently so that she will have to capitulate out of necessity with whatever the husband wants. That can work, of course, but it is tyrannical.

It's not a responsible exercise of awama, and it doesn't generate genuine submission. Genuine submission requires the ability to defy but the deliberate choice not to do so, and that is the kind of submission that Allah rewards. This is why such women are described as They are they are and this is why their obedience to their husbands is regarded as a function of the worship of Allah So men, rather than focusing on trying to make her please and obey you, Rather focus on nurturing her imam to bring her closer to Allah and making her more interested in pleasing and obeying him.